


Out of the Silence (Might Come the Love Song)

by goonandkissthegirl



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex is the best sister figure to both of them, Endgame Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, F/F, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor-centric, Little bit of Fluff, Little bit of angst, Personal Growth, Supercorp endgame, exploration of their relationship, like seriously what is cannon anymore, little bit of POV jumping because that's just the way it is, little bit of cannon sprinkles, obviously, understanding each other, understanding motives, we are happily ignoring most of that right now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-25 06:26:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17719853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goonandkissthegirl/pseuds/goonandkissthegirl
Summary: She’d gotten Kara back for a few short minutes and already Supergirl was back in the holds of danger; leaving Lena with her heart in her throat and stomach in knots.Would she always be racing along that line of life and death? Supergirl never stopped. Kara would always put herself at risk if she could help another. Her best friend was selfless. She loved her deeply for it, too.And Lena didn’t think she could survive it.or, Lena has to decide if her love for Kara is greater than her fear of losing her.





	Out of the Silence (Might Come the Love Song)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a mess, please take it! 
> 
> I'm a slut for lyric + parenthesis titles.
> 
> There are things I'd still like to tinker with in this story, but it's also been months and there are other things I'd like to put more energy into. This started as an exploration into how a few conversations between Kara and Lena might go, how they might face hardships and disagreements, and uhh, you know, let me know what you think?

 It was _so_ unfair. Then again, so much of Lena’s life was. Most days she was able to shake the thought away and plough through despite the world trying to drag her down. She knew the traumas she’d endured since childhood were mountainous as well as horrific; all things no one would wish on any person alone. Still, she persisted; refused to let it stop her from living her life, from doing the best she could.

But, _this_. This was so completely fucking _unfair_.

Of all the people to weed their way into her life, the _one_ person she’d felt she could really love in this universe; of course it was someone who threw herself into danger every chance she got. Kara, her sweet, super-powered, alien best friend. The woman she had long been in love with. Supergirl never hesitated to help, didn’t have to think before putting others before herself. Her selflessness was as awe-inspiring as it was stress-inducing. Nonetheless, she loved it about Kara; icing on the already fucked up cake, in fact, that it only made Lena love her _more_.

 But here she was again, at the epicenter of her nightmares: called to the DEO after a particularly brutal attack, leaving the city’s hero unconscious and in need of life support to sustain her healing abilities. It didn’t lessen the sting to see James in a similar condition a few rooms down from Kara.  The situation was insane enough to almost make Lena laugh. Her ex turned close friend, and her best friend, turned secret love of her life, lie in critical condition at a clandestine government facility fighting for their lives.

Lena had endured much in her 30 years. She’d internalized her guilt at her mother’s death. Had suffered her youth at the hands of Lillian. Lost the brother whom she had relied on so heavily. Sacrificed Jack to save others. Survived the many attempts on her life. To say that she loved easily, that she let people in often, would never ring true for someone like her. The few people that had managed such feats, the people whom she’d loved and allowed access to the carefully fortified walls of her truest self, she knew, staring at Kara’s battered form, she would always lose.

God, it was _so fucking unfair._

 

XXX

 

“Oh, thank god.”

It was the first thing she heard upon waking, words spilled in pure relief. Lena’s smile, her red rimmed eyes, the fierce grip around her shoulders filled Kara’s senses as she returned to consciousness. Her memory was still fuzzy on how exactly she’d ended up in the DEO med bay this time, and if it hadn’t been for that unfortunate circumstance, she’d say it was a damned near perfect way to wake up.

“Hey, shhhhh,” Kara gently soothed, running her fingers through long black hair as she realized the woman holding her was shaking with sobs. “I’m right here. It’s okay.”

“Too close, Kara,” Lena muttered into her shoulder, tears soaking into her suit. “Too close.”

She gave a slight tug, encouraging Lena to climb onto the bed with her. Reaching for her hand, Kara laced their fingers to rest atop her chest and pressed her lips to Lena’s temple. She hoped she could soothe away the remnants of such dark thoughts. “I’m here. I’m right here.” The only reassurance she could give her best friend in that moment. She hoped it was enough.

Within minutes, Lena relaxed into her side, her grip on Kara loosening bit by bit. Another deep breath and she could look at the heroine again. “I’m sorry,” Lena whispered. “It’s been a long three days.”

Kara’s own grip tightened at the information. “Three days?!” She thought back on what she could remember of the last fight. “Where’s Alex? Is James okay? What the hell happened?” came her panicked train of thought.

“Alex is waiting patiently to come in,” crimson teased Lena’s cheeks, “and James has been up and about since yesterday.”

“Thank Rao,” she breathed, moving to sit up slightly. “I…uh…should probably talk to my sister now…” she stuttered, head nodding toward the door.

“Oh, right,” Lena released her grip on Kara, albeit reluctantly, and moved awkwardly off the bed. “Sorry, I’ll just…” she made a motion to leave as Kara swung her legs over the side to sit up properly.

“Wait,” Kara grabbed for Lena’s wrist, holding her in place before the brunette managed to sprint out the door. “You don’t have to go.” She tugged gently, “I don’t want you to go.”

At Kara’s assurance, Lena released her hesitation, moving back to Kara’s side. That knee-weakening smile gracing the Super’s features hardly left Lena with a choice. Lacing their fingers again, Kara finally waved Alex in.

“God, you guys are annoying,” Alex huffed. Kara had to laugh, it seemed to be Alex’s favorite phrase around them lately.

“How are you?” the softness returned to Alex’s tone, a gentle hand on Kara’s shoulder.

“Sore, but good,” she grimaced, moving to stand. “I can’t believe I was out for so long. How are you?”

“ _I’m_ fine, I didn’t take three hits from CADMUS’s new line of Kryptonite bullets. Honestly though, I’m pretty sure you were out that long because you hadn’t had a good night’s rest in weeks,” Alex scolded. “Plus, I’ve analyzed those bullets pretty extensively. We’re lucky they still haven’t figured out how to make kryptonite quite as accurately as Lena.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” Vasquez announced, she and Brainy entering the room in a rush. “I just heard you were up Supergirl. Glad to see you looking well. Unfortunately, there’s a pretty massive fire in one of the neighborhoods on the east end. Are you up for it?”

 “Kara, as I previously informed Agent Vasquez,” Brainy turned to the agent with a scathing look, “I highly advise against this mission. You have not yet had the recovery time your body needs, and your powers are not at their full charge.”

“Yes, _but_ that fire is in the new refugee housing district, the one specifically for new alien families,” Vasquez argued. “I doubt it was started by accident and fire crews have already put out an alert requesting your assistance.”

“Stand down, Vasquez,” Alex ordered. Turning her attention back to her sister, she continued, “You’re not going, Supergirl. You’re not ready.”

 “Please, Kara. Let the city handle this one,” Lena whispered, practically begging as she gripped tightly to the blonde’s hand. A silent signal to tell Kara to stay. A futile attempt to keep the Girl of Steel within reach.  

 “I—I’m sorry,” she spoke, looking mostly to Lena. “I have to go out there. I have to try,” she announced, confidence returning as she stood at full height. “I’ll be on coms,” she told Alex, before rushing out the door and flying toward the call of those who needed her.

Lena could still feel the ghost of Kara’s hand in her own. The tight squeeze of comfort Kara had tried to leave her with. She’d gotten Kara back for a few short minutes and already Supergirl was back in the holds of danger; leaving Lena with her heart in her throat and stomach in knots.

 Would she always be racing along that line of life and death? Supergirl never stopped. Kara would always put herself at risk if she could help another. Her best friend was selfless. She loved her deeply for it, too.

 And Lena didn’t think she could survive it.

 

XXX

 

Her gaze was guarded and fleeting, eyes roaming everywhere except for the blonde standing across the room. Kara stood slightly hunched, desperately trying catch Lena’s eye, anxious to gauge her thoughts.

“Lena, please,” Kara finally asked, moving closer to the brunette. “Talk to me?”

“Kara, I—I can’t,” she whispered, eyes still downcast.

“Can’t what?” Kara pleaded again, reaching out to touch Lena’s shoulder.

Lena jerked away, turning from the blonde altogether. “I can’t even look at you in that suit, right now,” she breathed. “It’s too much.”

“I don’t understand,” Kara said, dropping her head into her hand. “Lena, please. James just told me you were leaving and by the looks of your packed office, it’s true. You have avoided me all week and now you’re just… what? Leaving? _What is going on_?”

“I can’t stay here anymore,” she breathed. With more confidence, she finally turned to face her friend, “I can’t stay here and be party to your suicide missions.”

Kara lurched feeling as though she’d been socked _hard_ ; her crinkle deepening at Lena’s cool tone.

“Lena, we’ve been through this… I can’t stop being Supergirl. Things will always be dangerous, but I can’t stop living my life,” Kara desperately explained. “I thought you, of all people, understood that.”

“But, _why_? James is giving it up! Why can’t you, Kara? _Why_?” Lena knew how frantic she sounded but couldn’t stop herself. It was the same story Kara always sold, but it wasn’t good enough anymore—Lena could not simply accept it was her best friend’s fate to put herself before everyone else until something finally killed her.

 Kara sighed, deep and long. She was glad for James’ retirement, but somehow knew it would come back to bite her. She hadn’t anticipated quite the reaction from Lena. Then again, thinking back over the last week, Kara’s most recent brush with death, Lena had been so worried. And so angry when she went back out in the suit the same day she’d woken up.

 Kara rubbed her face in her hands again, mind working overtime to bury her frustrations and focus on the situation at hand. She couldn’t figure why Lena hadn’t _talked_ to her before all this? Before deciding to simply leave.

 “This line of work means something very different to James,” Kara began, sitting on a stack of boxes, gaze focused on the lines she could follow on the floor. “I don’t mean this to sound condescending, but… he got into it because he wanted to be a hero. He wanted to be someone people looked to and believed in. He wanted the recognition of that heroism. There’s not anything inherently wrong with those things. Most people want that. I feel the same, in a lot of ways.” She looked up to Lena then, catching her watchful expression.

“But because of this, James has always had an out. He’s always had the option to walk away.” She gestured to herself as she stood, attempting to move closer to Lena again. “I don’t have that option. I won’t ever have that option.”

 “Not ever?” Lena asked, despondent.

 Kara shook her head. “As long as I’m alive. As long as I have these abilities. I will always be Supergirl.”

 Lena felt the tears looming. “But… don’t you want a normal life someday?”

 Kara paused, feeling the burn of her own tears looming at Lena’s heartbroken expression. She made sure to meet Lena’s eye when she told her, “I want that _so_ much.”

 She wanted it with Lena. With every fiber of her being she wished she could tell her that. “But that hasn’t been an option for me since the day my planet died. And it’s a selfishness I can’t afford.”

“What if it’s not just selfish? What if _I_ asked you to do it? For me?” Lena argued, gripping Kara’s hand in her own, pressing it to her chest.

Kara couldn’t maintain eye contact anymore. She couldn’t look at the anguished expression on top of the crushing stutter of the brunette’s heartbeat at such a request. “Lena, you know I would do almost anything for you—" 

“Then why not this?” Lena’s pleading tone continued to rip at Kara’s fragile emotional state. “What if—what if I could find some way to get rid of your powers? Like the way we separated Sam from her Kryptonian DNA?”

“I—I won’t lie to you,” Kara paused, considering her words, “that’s a tempting thought.” 

“Then let yourself be tempted. Please, I could do this,” Lena begged, eyes pleading for Kara to listen, to agree, to follow her wherever this might lead.

“Lena—I just can’t,” Kara whispered, brushing her free hand across Lena’s cheek.

“No. No you could. But you _won’t_ ,” she shook her head, releasing the blonde and distancing herself yet again. “You won’t let go of Supergirl. Just fucking admit that? You don’t want to!” Lena fumed.  “Supergirl will always come first. Isn’t that right?”

“Lena, it’s not like that. You have to know how much I care—”

 “No! Don’t try to pull that shit.” Her gaze was fierce, words stabbing; but she couldn’t stop. Lena was seeing red, and nothing Kara said would make sense in her rage.  “Just go.”

“Lena…” Kara met the CEO’s punishing glare, searching for what, she didn’t quite know—some glimmer of hope that Lena could see her side of things once again. “Please, just— where is all of this even coming from?” She couldn’t stop the tears cascading at the situation she found herself in, blindsided at the realization that she was losing her best friend. 

Lena sucked in a wet breath, tearing herself away from Kara’s pained look. “I can’t keep doing this, Kara,” she quietly admitted. “Every fight aired on the news. Never knowing if you’re safe, if you’ll wake up each time. Wondering if every interaction is the last. I can’t keep living in this state of constant fear and worry,” she said, voice quavering. 

“Kara, you’re my best friend. I care for you more than I’ve ever cared for anyone. I love that you have such a big heart and that you want to help people. But it doesn’t feel like you care about anything outside of Supergirl, anymore. Especially your own safety. I just— I can’t watch you die next time.”

Kara could say nothing in response. In all her efforts to protect Lena, she’d been the one to hurt her. _Again_. Lena deserved better, someone who could put her first. Lena should have the life she wanted, normalcy and the chance to be light and carefree with someone she loves. Kara would never be able to give that to her. Not in friendship, nor in the rare moments she’d allowed herself to dream of the possibility of more.

Kara’s expression turned resolute. She had to let Lena have the chance at this life, this life that she _so_ deserved. She stepped closer into Lena’s space, wrapping her arms around her shoulders to pull the CEO in close. “You’re right, Lena. And I’m so sorry,” she whispered into the brunette’s ear.

Lena clung to the hero, releasing the sob she’d been holding in. She buried her face in the Super’s crest, letting the blonde’s steady heartbeat fill her senses. 

It was not reconciliation. The truth of it settling heavily. This was goodbye. They clung to each other desperately, avoiding the finality of the moment as long as possible.

With a shaky breath, Kara pressed her lips softly to Lena’s temple, memorizing the scent and the feel of her. Before either woman was truly ready, Kara was out the balcony door, flying as far and as fast as she could.

  

XXX

A month passed. Then two. Now six and Lena was still never far from Kara’s mind.

She wondered for a long time if she had been cursed. She’d poured over the Kryptonian crystals for any old stories or myths that would explain her predicament. Brainy found her venture illogical—not a particularly shocking deduction. But she was an alien from another galaxy, she’d dealt with fifth-dimensional beings, and had used magic-like elements from her planet to save the day before. It wasn’t completely far-fetched that there was some other force at play in her life.

 _Something_ she could point fingers at, _something_ to explain why she’d watched so many people she’d loved leave her.

Brainy had been right, unfortunately. Also unsurprising, yet disappointing nonetheless.  It had been a foolish project, she knew; distracting her from the reality that she was who she was— the last daughter of a dead planet. Her destiny had been to try to carry on a legacy, not to place blame. She had no right to shift the fault for her pain; if she’d wanted a different life, she should have never left her mother’s embrace.

If she wanted to live right by her legacy, to prove to Rao that she was grateful for her parents sacrifice, that she was grateful to be alive… then she would have to accept what the fates had given her. She had no choice really, but to let Lena go. 

On top of the dramatics of her heritage, Kara understood just as starkly that she had _hurt_ Lena, when she’d promised to always protect her. If that wasn’t enough of a sign that they weren’t meant to be, Kara didn’t know what else there was.

As the months slipped by, she’d busied herself in work, pushing overtime with her duties. Relentless, until she managed to breathe without feeling as though she’d been walking around with a knife in her chest. Settling for the simmering of a dull ache; a slightly less frequent reminder of her loss.

She pulled back a little more from the others too. As deprecating as it sounded, she didn’t want to bring anyone else down with her. Too many nights were lost to the replay of Lena’s words, the look of her pain— clear in each delicate feature. Being close to people and being Supergirl, meant that Kara would hurt the people she loved, even if she didn’t mean to.

She tried dating. Once. And felt the full effect of what Lena had done to her heart. How full Lena had made it, even as she left a rather large space in her absence. Kara didn’t think anyone would ever compare.

Maybe she just needed more time. She’d only ever imagined what a life with Lena, like _that_ would have been like. It was a little astounding how much of an impact even the imaginings of it had made. More surprising perhaps that she wasn’t sure she wanted to let that feeling go, even with the persistent ache that accompanied.

Somehow Lena, in any way she could be reminded of her, kept her grounded to this life in a way no one, aside from Alex, had before. A thought she was sure her sister and the rest of her friends would hate to know. Still, it was not surprising to herself that Kara felt reluctant to dispel Lena from her heart.

\---

She ran her hands down across her hips, admiring the cut of her new suit; the security of pants that made her feel like she was no longer on display for others, the comfort of shoes more befitting to the high impact activity she was wont to do. The belt tied the outfit together, the red of her original cape still contrasting nicely to the slightly darker blue of the new material.

“Hey, there you are! What do you think, Supergirl?” Alex asked, upon entering her private office Kara had changed in.

“Alex, it’s incredible! Where did you come up with the design? I had no idea you guys were even working on something new,” Kara spilled excitedly.

Supergirl caught the slight twist of sister’s mouth, the scrunch of her nose as the agent thought over her words. “You’ve needed an update for a while. And I’m pretty sure you were hinting to Winn something about pants since he first designed your suit, anyway.”

“Yeah,” Kara chuckled, her mood falling slightly at the thought of Winn. She missed her friend, hoped he was okay wherever he was in the future. “He never really took too well to my suggestions. Actually, I didn’t even know you had someone else on staff designing?”

“Oh… well, we hired an outside consultant, actually… They designed and made the suit in their facilities. But don’t worry, it’s been through the full vetting process.”

Alex’s odd tone was a dead giveaway that she was hiding something. Kara didn’t have to think too hard on who the mystery consultant was. 

A twinge of pain, familiar in its suddenness, made its way to her throat. She couldn’t help the bit of reverence brewing the more she admired the suit, however. Her best friend’s handiwork always a source of pride, even if said best friend no longer claimed the title herself.

The Girl of Steel smiled, bright and only a little sad. “She did good, Alex. I hope you’ll thank her for me,” she said confidently, meeting Alex’s eye in the mirror.

The reminder of just how much she missed Lena rolled over her, bodily; nonetheless Kara felt a spark of joy taking over the more she contemplated the situation. It was a beautiful notion— the fact that after months apart, half a world away, Lena still thought of her. As evidenced by the quality of her suit, the CEO, in some way at least, still cared for her. 

\---

Time had been what she’d needed. She could feel the roots of routine stretching into her life once again. She could smile around her friends, go out without feeling like she was missing a limb.  Slowly, she put the pieces of herself back together and made peace with the new vision of how the rest of her life could play out.

Opening up to her sister had been as therapeutic as it always was. A small weight lifted from her already overladen shoulders whenever she shared her troubles with Alex. She cursed herself for locking away too much again, and not seeking out the refuge she knew Alex would always provide for her sooner. And promised herself to not do it again.

With sister therapy came self-reflection, and Kara let herself acknowledge the anger she’d felt toward Lena. She had been confused and hurt, on top of the guilt she’d carried; and recognizing those emotions helped her process it all a little better.

Finally, sorely, she came to understand. She knew Lena— knew her history and motivations better than most. How the young woman had suffered, and often, at the hands of those who were supposed to love her, to protect her. How she’d learned to mistrust others and expect the loss of every good thing in her life. 

Lena had pushed her away out of self-preservation. And Kara was intimately familiar with that defense mechanism. Although everything in her wanted to fight it, to prove herself different to her best friend, she knew she’d have to give Lena time, too. Pushing and forcing the woman into a corner would never help her cause.

Though her expectations weren’t high, Kara held a hope that if she gave Lena that time and space, perhaps one day she would reach for her again. Even if it never came, Kara had understood something else too, in the time since they’d parted. Loving Lena Luthor was permanent, and forgiveness was always inevitable.

 

XXX

 

A month passed. Then two. Now six and Kara was still never far from Lena’s mind.

At first, she wanted to erase all evidence of Kara from her life. She left anything tied to the Girl of Steel and the CatCo reporter in her National City apartment. Avoided the news as much as she could, quickly changing the channel at mention of any Super activity.

She made an appointment to see her brother. Wrote to her mother. Not out of spite; nor as the media still liked to suggest, to take up the family mantle of world domination. A small part of her had simply always been a little guilty at the idea of contacting her family of, objectively, terrible people when her best friend had been their sworn enemy.

Away from National City, she felt she could reach out and not feel any lingering shame. The public could think what they wanted, but she felt the least she could do was try to maintain a semblance of familial connection.

She never did make it to her appointment. Lex only wrote once to inform that he would have refused to see her, anyway.

Her letters to her mother went unanswered. Jess made casual comment once to the severe press of her print in the thankfully thick stationary, drawing her attention to the stress of the action. It had taken a toll trying to find something to even say to Lillian anymore. After several months, Lena allowed herself to stop writing.

The clear rejection of her family should have hurt. She was pleasantly surprised to discover that it didn’t. Though a part of her was disappointed, the larger part was relieved—a fact she noted with pride and took as a sign of great personal growth. Lena could no longer find it in herself to cling to any further anger concerning them. She had done her part, tried to reach out. Even if they had responded more positively, she suspected it still wouldn’t have left her feeling as fulfilled as she had once hoped. 

\---

Without realizing it, Kara had been tightly woven into nearly every aspect of Lena’s life. On late nights, she found herself expecting to hear the sound of boots hitting cement, despite her new office not having a balcony. Too many times than she was willing to admit, she had instinctively pulled up Kara’s number after a difficult day, ready to vent and request an immediate pizza night.

More often than not, her loneliest thoughts tended toward Kara. How she missed her. How she still worried, despite having cut the Super off for the express purpose of not feeling so. She hadn’t believed herself capable of bearing such weighted fear for so long.

It seemed however—a fact she knew she realized far too late—that caring for someone meant never really letting go of that feeling. And walking away didn’t remove them from your heart.

Gradually, she learned to let go of her anger. Realized it hadn’t ever really been aimed at Kara, but the outpouring of a deep seeded fear at the reality of losing people she loved. Rather than live with the risk of love, Lena had chosen to take things into her own hands. A foolish attempt to try to garner control over the more chaotic aspects of her life. 

She understood, after a time, that Kara had done the right thing. Had handled the situation Lena thrust upon her so beautifully. And Lena had been so wrong to ask her to give it up, to walk away from something that was so essential to her understanding of herself. Her commitment to heroism was multi-faceted and deeply rooted to what made Kara, _Kara._ And a big part of what made Lena love her so.

Her insight and growth came with a touch of pride at first, and for a moment Lena thought of the smile Kara would have for her when she told her all this.

It turned sour eventually; with the inescapable reality of what she’d done to her best friend. The shame she felt, the doubt that Kara would ever want to see her again.

Lena couldn’t help but continue punishing herself for her stupidity. For throwing away the best damn thing she’d ever had. The only person to ever truly trust her. The only person she was sure she’d ever actually been in love with. And perhaps the only person she would _ever_ love in such a way.

She poured herself into work— more than usual, anyway. Finding projects she could lose herself in. Pulling extra hours in R&D to distract her from the emptiness of her new home. Eventually willing to take on outside contracts, if it kept her tethered, by however small a thread, to the life she’d had in National City.

\---

When Alex came a few months after the move, she’d expected a fight. A thorough scolding over what she’d done to the agent’s sister. A heated warning to stay away so as not to hurt her again.

She had been more than surprised to be offered an extended contract with the DEO instead. The distance meant they wouldn’t be working quite as closely but would collaborate when requested.

They met every month or so thereon after. Alex, blessedly, never explicitly mentioned Kara, but always provided updates:

“Things are busy. Work is pretty much the only priority, unfortunately.”

\---

“The weather’s been better lately. The sun’s been shining again.”

\---

“I’m going to visit my mom for the holidays. Just me, though.”

\---

“Are you dating anyone? I feel like you should be dating. Put yourself out there, you know?”

\---

“So, how’s the dating scene in Metropolis? You know, I found out they actually have one of the highest crime rates in the country. Maybe you should… you know, not… do that, after all.”

\---

“Lena.” She’d never heard her name quite like that from Alex before. A sad sort of sound, so unlike the stoic agent’s typical tenor.  “When are you coming home?" 

“Alex, I am home,” Lena reminded, tone flat.

“I meant to National City, duh. It’s a real pain in the ass flying out here all the time.” A pause; weighing her next words, determining if the stubborn CEO was even listening. “Plus, you’re not happy here. Even I can see that.”

She sighed; Alex was as stubborn as ever, determined to have this conversation. Lena dropped her head, a last attempt to push down her erupting emotions. “I—I don’t think I can ever show my face there again, to be quite honest.”

“Of course you can, Lena.” Alex propped her hand on the brunette’s shoulder, meeting her gaze. “We all miss you. We _all_ want you to come home.”

“I’m not sure what ‘home’ even means, Alex. I don’t know what to do.” She felt small suddenly, like a child caught in her lies. Unsure what the best path for resolution would be.

“You make everything too complicated,” Alex chuckled, hoping to lighten the mood. “Home is wherever and with whoever you feel most like yourself. When you find that, no matter what, you can always go back to it.”

 

XXX

 

A lovely, sunny Saturday found Supergirl in the city park painting characters onto smiling cheeks to raise money for the children’s hospital. Kara had volunteered hoping to actually enjoy it, knowing she would still be very much on duty. Although it was a family event, a Luthor sponsored anything was bound to attract some sort of trouble, even if there were no actual Luthors in attendance.

Midway through the afternoon, just as she’d started to relax into the pleasant thought that there might be no incident, her senses perked. The familiar click of a safety, the grind of a bullet sliding into place, a heartbeat so familiar it nearly pulled her own in sync.

Before she had time to properly finish her unicorn superhero face painting, she was crumpling a handheld firearm and sweeping a woman into her arms.

“Back in town and already needing a rescue?” Supergirl drifted back to the ground, a safe distance away from further danger, gently placing Lena back on her feet. 

“Thank you, Supergirl. I guess the Luthor target is still on my back around here,” Lena smirked, somehow still able to make light of her near-death experiences.

“Miss Luthor, if I didn’t know you were a magnet for trouble, I’d say you were hoping to see me,” Kara grinned toothily, resting her hands in her signature pose.

“Maybe so,” Lena said simply, knowing she _had_ intended to see Kara while back in National City. Albeit, a rescue hadn’t exactly been the reunion she’d imagined.

Kara blanched at Lena’s deliberate response. Cheeks turning a dashing red Lena always loved. “Although, I can’t not make an appearance at L-Corp’s charity fair,” the CEO finished.

“Right…” Kara nodded, trying to hide the tiniest hints of disappointment. “I actually didn’t know you would be here.”

“Well, I hadn’t exactly broadcast the fact. I—I had hoped to see you, though. To—to talk,” Lena continued, nervously gripping her fingers. “That is, if you’re willing?”

“Yes,” Kara blurted, blushing a deeper shade at her lack of restraint. “I mean, of course, I would love to---agh!” she reached for her earpiece, an audible screech having emitted from her device. “Sorry, I—uh, need to go help the police deal with that shooter. I have to go, but I do want to see you.”

“You can text me when you’re done. They’ll probably be wanting me to make a statement, as well…” Lena added, turning to see the police surrounding the man Supergirl had left, cradling a likely severely broken hand. 

“Your number is still the same?”

Lena turned back to the woman before her, nodding in response. She offered a soft smile as Kara began to hover, indicating her need to leave. Supergirl clutched at the earpiece again, the device still clearly causing her discomfort. She managed a genuine smile, eyes lighting up as if she couldn’t believe Lena was really there wanting to spend time with her again. “Great, I’ll see you soon, promise!”

Lena chuckled at the sight, sure the Girl of Steel’s actual call involved a lecturing Alex Danvers waiting back at the DEO. She probably deserved a big sister warning but hoped Kara wouldn’t be deterred from texting her later. Alex had been the one to convince her to come back, after all.

Her heart rate suddenly sped up at the thought of actually spending time with Kara again, the rest of her body seemingly finally catching up with her. There was something so natural about being around Kara; even in the midst of danger. Their brief interaction had felt so familiar even after nearly a year of distance. And now again in her absence, Lena felt an acute anxiousness at both the good and bad that could come from seeing Kara after so much time.

Still though, Kara had rescued her, like always. And something about the Girl of Steel always left her feeling more hopeful than not.

 

XXX

 

“Alex don’t be crude,” Kara interrupted her sister’s rant, bothered but nonetheless impressed by her lexicon of swear words. Her sister froze momentarily in her pacing to stare at her. “It’s just Lena.”

“Hnnfff, right. _Just_ Lena.” Alex shook her head, resuming her pacing stride. “As if we’re not talking about the woman who cast you aside last year, who—who—”

“Who has assisted the DEO with everything they’ve asked her to. Who you’ve continued to work with. Who is still your friend,” Kara firmly reminded her.

“Kara,” Alex sighed, hands on her hips as she faced her younger sister. “She broke your heart.”

Kara shook her head, not ready to confront that set of emotions. “She was hurting, Alex. Because of me. How could I deny anyone their right to self-care, just because it made me sad?” 

“It was more than that, Kara, and you know it,” Alex argued. “I just don’t want you to rush back into this or try to pick up where you left off… I just want you to be careful. What happens if she leaves again, and you’ve got another gaping hole in your chest?”

“I’ll be alright this time. I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Supergirl,” Alex said, her lips pressing into a thin line. She was glad Lena was back, truly. But it was so like both of them to rush things. She hoped Lena wasn’t going to hurt her sister, just as much as she hoped Kara wouldn’t scare the CEO away again. “Call me later, okay?”

Kara nodded in understanding, bouncing on her heels as she moved to hug her sister. The Girl of Steel was giddy with excitement and Alex could only hope she wasn’t setting herself up to be crushed yet again.

 

XXX

 

“So, is now a good time to pop in?” Kara asked, landing deftly on the L-Corp balcony. 

“Oh!” Lena jumped at her sudden appearance. “Sorry, yes. I didn’t think I’d see you so soon. How’d you know I was here?” the CEO asked, a teasing glint in her eye, arms crossing authoritatively.

Kara couldn’t help but smile at the woman, a year apart and there was still this distinct sense of comfort around each other. “I have my ways… and intimate knowledge that Lena Luthor is, in fact, a workaholic.”

“It shouldn’t be this easy,” Lena responded with a shake of her head, soft smile fixing her expression.  “I can’t believe you’re here. After everything I said—”

“I understand why you said those things.”

“I just, God, Kara I’ve wanted to tell you how sorry I am for so long.”

“Please don’t be sorry.” Kara took a step closer to the brunette. “I promise you, there is nothing you have to apologize for.”

“Don’t do that,” Lena was adamant, taking the next step to bring them closer. “Not even you can cover for me this time. I—I let my insecurities take over and my feelings were blurred.” She couldn’t meet the Super’s eye, fidgeting with her hands. “I was just—just so in love with you, it made me blind to everything else, including how selfish I was being. And I accused you of being just that.”

“Being selfish isn’t necessarily a bad thing, you know?”

“It is when it pushes the people you love away,” Lena whispered dejectedly.

“I hate that you’re blaming yourself for this.” Kara reached for Lena’s shoulders, drawing the woman’s attention back to her. “What happened between us was _not_ your fault. You only wanted what everyone wants: a chance at normalcy. And after everything you’d been through, you deserve that more than anyone.”

“You’re still far too forgiving of me, Kara.”

“I’m not going to fault you for being human,” she soothed, rubbing Lena’s biceps tenderly.

“Why do I feel like you mean that in an inferior way?" 

“Oh, Rao, n-no,” Kara sputtered, the annoying tick of anxiety compelling her to reach for nonexistent glasses. “I did _not_ mean it like that. I just mean like… you know, you’re a person with wants and needs. Like everyone. Myself included.”

“Don’t pretend to lump yourself in that category, Supergirl,” Lena teased.

“No, I mean it!” The blonde paused, considering her words carefully. “You know, when you offered to find a way to take away my powers… a part of me wanted that. Still wants that. If we’d met as kids, before I knew what all this would bring and entail, I would have taken you up on that offer without batting an eye." 

“What stopped you then?” Lena probed, enthralled by the confession.

Kara paused a moment, thinking through exactly what she wanted to say.

“Being Supergirl opened my eyes to what I could do. And what I _should_ do. These powers don’t make me a god, but they do mean I can hear every cry for help, every siren, every scared heartbeat.” She broke from Lena’s piercing gaze for a moment, the heaviness of her reality sometimes too much, even for her.

“When you’ve seen the things I’ve seen, done what I’ve done; it’s not something you can just walk away from knowing you have the ability to save or to stop the tragedies.” She met Lena’s eyes again, feeling safe in their familiarity. “I know I can’t do everything, or save everyone, but I would always know I could have done _something_. You can’t just turn off that knowledge. Does that make sense?”

“Yes,” Lena breathed. She didn’t think she could ever be more in awe of the woman in front of her. “God, I really fucked up. I wish you would have told me all this back then.”

“You were so hurt, Lena. I didn’t know how to make that stop.” Kara’s anguish at the thought, clear in her expression. “But finding more reasons to not run away with you wasn’t going to help.”

“You’re probably right about that,” Lena chuckled wryly. She took a deep breath, stealing herself for what she was about to say, “I don’t want to oversell myself or anything here, but I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on what happened last year. I like to think I’ve grown up a bit since then, too.”

Her smile was shy, tentative; and she knew Kara could hear the pounding of her nervous heart. Still, she had to ask. “Do you think you’d be open to a friendship again? I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t come back here pretty much just to see you.”

Kara returned her smile easily. “You should know I’d do just about anything to get you back in my life.” Kara, still gripping gently at Lena’s arms, gave a light tug in indication. As always, Lena felt the pull of Kara like a magnet, wrapping herself in the blonde’s strong embrace.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Kara whispered into her hair.

Lena sighed, at peace with her world finally coming back together. It wasn’t how she’d hoped or imagined once, but she knew better now. Kara was her hero, her person; she needed her, irrevocably, and in any capacity. She’d never be so foolish to let her go again.

They held each other for long time; the world quiet, and blissfully set right again. 

 

XXX

 

Another peaceful evening found the pair huddled in Kara’s cozy apartment. She never thought she’d get this again. Never thought Kara would forgive her and welcome her back into her life so easily. And it _was_ easy, absurdly so. She and Kara had practically picked up where they left; though, she liked to think, on the better end of realistic expectations of each other. Lunches a few times a week had started again. Movie nights were frequent. And the complete sense of comfort they found in each other had fallen into place right away.

The credits rolled on their current movie, Lena inserting herself a little bit more into Kara’s space. She’d allowed herself to bask in the moment a bit longer: a beautifully sweet song playing the film out, Kara cuddled at her side. “Is it just me, or is the ending of this movie totally perfect? You don’t even know if they get back together, but it gives you so much hope. Like, it’s enough, you know?” she explained, dropping her head tiredly onto Kara’s shoulder.

Kara didn’t respond right away, turning her gaze to roam Lena’s features, to study her form tucked so delicately into her own. She had no clue how she’d ever let this woman out of her life, nor how she’d ever convinced herself she was anything but absolutely in love.

“Can I ask you something?” she finally spoke.

“Mmhmm,” Lena replied, eyes fluttering sleepily, moving to lay her head in Kara’s lap. “If you let me crash here tonight? I’m exhausted.”

“Of course,” Kara giggled, running her fingers through dark locks, lightly scratching at Lena’s scalp. “Do you remember that day in your office? Your first day back?”

Though her eyes remained closed, Lena snorted. “It was only a few weeks ago. Best day of my life, honestly.”

The sleepy confession made Kara’s heart race, her nerves at the question she wanted to ask growing, despite the encouragement Lena had inadvertently given. “You might’ve mentioned, somewhere in your unnecessary apology rant that you… um… loved me?" 

Lena stiffened at the question, knowing Kara would pick up on her increased heart rate.  “Everyone loves you, darling. I’m beginning to think it’s one of your super-powers,” she joked, playing it off coolly.

“So… it wasn’t anything more than that?” Kara sighed, disappointment blooming. Still, they remained as they were, Kara gently stroking Lena’s hair, rested carefully in her lap. She’d started to think Lena had fallen asleep before a sigh finally indicated the brunette had heard her.  

“You’re really pushing for confessions tonight, when I’m this tired?” Lena conceded, tone still light.

Kara couldn’t help but smile, relieved that she hadn’t pushed Lena too far with her questioning. “Don’t we owe it to ourselves?” Kara gently stroked her thumb along Lena’s cheek. “To not hold things back anymore? Secrets tend to hurt you more than the person you keep them from, don’t you think?”

“Aren’t we wise tonight?” Lena badgered again, sitting up to look Kara in the eye. Despite her efforts at lightheartedness, Kara was ready for a more serious conversation. “I wouldn’t have walked away if I didn’t love you.”

Kara tried to swallow the sudden lump in her throat; Lena’s unwavering honesty was almost overwhelming. Though her nerves threatened, she didn’t pull away. They remained in each other’s space; Lena’s hand brushing softly on her thigh, her own hand resting on Lena’s hip. It gave her the courage to push on. “So, now you’re back home…” She tilted her head, asking what she really needed to know, “…and you don’t love me like that anymore?”

Lena shook her head immediately, making sure to hold Kara’s eyes as she spoke. “I love you too much. Staying away only hurt more.”

Kara dropped her gaze, pain clear in her reaction. “I keep doing that. I don’t want to hurt you. I never want that.”

She’s drawn back by Lena’s hand, softly guiding her cheek. “People get hurt, Kara. People will hurt each other… it—it’s just a condition of life. It doesn’t make it your fault. And being _with_ you hurts so much less than being away.”

Searching her eyes again, the blonde remained silent for a long time. Lena could see her working it out in her head, how to make sense of the mess they’d found themselves in. Kara was a fixer and Lena had essentially given her an unfixable situation, something they’d both have to accept to keep each other in their lives.

“Okay,” Kara finally whispered. She looked at Lena like she was worth everything, and Lena desperately wanted to deserve that.

Fairly certain she understood exactly what Kara meant with that one word, the CEO donned her signature smirk. She couldn’t always help herself when it came to teasing Kara, her eyebrow _almost_ raising of its own volition. “Is that all you have to say?”

“You’re tired,” Kara admonished, brushing her hand along the back of Lena’s head, drawing her forward to leave a kiss on her forehead. “It’s all too heavy for one night.”

As much as Lena wanted to lean into the draw of Kara, to rest their foreheads together and allow the hero to carry her to bed, she managed to resist. Kara needed to let her own truths out and Lena needed to let her.

“You don’t weigh me down, Kara. You make everything in me feel light,” she affirmed, pulling back just enough for Kara to see the truth in her eyes.

Kara was studying the brunette again, and Lena could only hope Kara found what she needed.

“From the moment I met you, I felt it. I was so immediately drawn to you. Like you and I were meant to meet. Meant to be in each other’s lives. You’re the only person I’ve ever experienced that with. I mean, I love Alex—I wouldn’t be me without her—but it wasn’t the same feeling. It took a long time for us to warm up to each other. With you, I just knew.

“I-I didn’t understand that _at all_. What it meant. Why everything I felt for you paled in comparison to what I felt for other people. The love I felt was so different compared to James or Mon-El. Everything just hit me so much harder.”

“So, I hurt you, too,” Lena interrupted, no longer able to meet the intensity of Kara’s brilliantly foreign blue eyes.

Reaching for her jaw, it was Kara’s turn to bring Lena back to her. “No. No, I’m tired of that phrasing,” she declared with a shake of her head. “I mean, there _was_ pain; an ache of longing always there… but everything else I felt… it wasn’t painful. I just mean that I felt it so much _more_. Stronger. You—you make everything stronger. Like… like the yellow sun!” she exclaimed, suddenly excited. With a soft smile she brought both hands to Lena’s tear streaked cheeks, brushing them gently as the thought she’d rambled herself into finally settled, feeling so incredibly right. “ _You_ are my yellow sun.”

A wet laugh suddenly burst out of Lena. Kara’s words endearingly sweet and so perfectly corny. “We’re a couple of saps, aren’t we?”

“Alex would pretty much be gagging right now.”

“Brainy would definitely be arguing with your logic on my likeness to the sun.”

Lena crawled further into Kara’s lap.

“I can’t help it. You even make my dorky tendencies stronger.”

Their foreheads rested together gently.

“I sort of really like it, though.”

Close enough then to share the same breath.

“Hmm, good. Can I kiss you now?” Kara whispered, her lips already brushing Lena’s.

She hardly needed to nod before they were fully pressed into each other. Lena nearly losing herself in the feeling of Kara’s lips, moving softly, expertly against her own. If it were possible, she would have happily rooted herself against Kara forever.

In that moment, nothing outside of them existed, except for the singular, stupid thought that Lena actually liked this kind of ending so much better.

 

XXX

 

A month passed. Then two. Now six and Lena was never far from Kara’s mind. She had a feeling from the way she always seemed to catch the brunette’s eye from across the room, across the office, across the kitchen counter, that she wasn’t very far from Lena’s thoughts either.

Her sister thought she was being rash. Her friends couldn’t fathom why it had taken them so long to finally get together. All the while, the box she’d recently begun carrying in her pocket felt a little like déjà vu. As though she’d known from the moment they’d met, she’d found her person. The fact that they had grown, together and apart, and still wanted each other, were still willing to fight for one another, only affirmed her resolve.

She had a feeling when she pulled that little box out tonight at dinner, it wouldn’t really come as a surprise. Still, she couldn’t wait to see Lena’s smile.

 

XXX

 

A month passed. Then two. Now six and Lena felt as though they had been together so much longer. She knew of course, their connection, rooted firmly in steadfast friendship, played a big part. Still she worried that perhaps she was moving a bit too fast. Alex certainly made her thoughts on the subject known, though always supportive in the end.

When dinner finally came around, she had committed to her decision. In retrospect, she’d realized it was poorly planned. She hadn’t even gotten a ring and the speech she’d imagined once or twice had disappeared completely from her memory. Despite having nothing prepared, Lena felt the moment was right and she didn’t want to hold it in any longer. After everything they’d been through, she knew how important open communication was for them.

So, when she blurted, “Will you marry me?” before their entrées had even arrived, Kara simply smiled. The blonde was radiating and tender; and giving her that look that always made Lena know exactly how Kara felt about her.

Kara was still smiling softly when she reached into her pocket to pull out a small box, placing it gently on the table. She reached for Lena’s hand, delicately brushing over her fingers as she replied, “Yes. And I’m assuming that’d be your answer, too?”

Lena had to laugh, a loud and bursting thing. Kara could be so charming and suave at times, and the fact that they had both planned a proposal for the same night was kind of perfect. And when she nodded and met Kara’s lips, she realized she wasn’t the least bit surprised.

**Author's Note:**

> I really appreciate that you've made it this far. That is love! Come say hi, if you feel so inclined [tumblr](https://goonandkissthegirl.tumblr.com/),


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